October has been a month of raising awareness, raising fundraising totals and blowing balloons to continental Europe!! This month first saw me visit Queen Mary University's BTR Centre of Excellence, where I got to see where all of your fundraising efforts are being spent. This lab in particular, is researching work into the potential treatments and causes of Glioblastoma's and as to what makes them such a formidable cancer. I am not going to lie, the science behind this work is pretty mind blowing and awe inspiring. All I can say is thank God for science and in particular, private schools who I am sure are producing the majority of these incredible scientists! How I hope that one day Mason changes his mind and decides to be a Scientist when he's older and not a Power Ranger! Emma wants to be a science teacher, so this is a good compromise I guess.........! It was an emotion provoking visit and I was so happy to have shared the day and experience with my best friend of 34 years. She has been at my side throughout my life and I don't remember a time without her in it and neither would I want to. We laid 3 tiles in memory of Steve and we hope to add many more to the "Wall of Hope" in the future.
The very next day, I attended the UK's first, Brain Tumour Symposium, where I was honoured to say a few words about mine and Steve's BT journey. Not only did I feel that it was a chance to tell the human side of what it was like for Steve living with a BT, but I also felt it was my chance to get on my "soap box" and say a few home truths about some of the frustrations we experienced with Steve's care, particularly towards the end of his life. I felt that Steve would have wanted me to have expressed these views and very much felt that he was with me, egging me on, on the day. Maybe sharing our experiences, will help others...........who knows, but lets hope so.
I also felt Steve's spirit was with me throughout the night at the H&H ball. In fact, I always feel he is with me and thats perhaps how I get through each day. I don't really feel widowed, I don't really feel on my own. I continue to empathise with friends when they complain about their partners not picking up their dirty pants from the floor, like this is still happening to me! I remember those frustrations well and smile when I hear them. I am also sure I don't feel on my own because of all the wonderful people around me who are supporting me everyday. That includes YOU - all of you lovely lot who are taking the time to read this and then showing your support and love when you do.
As we approach the dreaded one year anniversary, I wonder as to when the reality of feeling widowed will actually kick in. I have heard from many that the second year of being widowed is actually harder than the first and I wonder if this is because the reality of what has happened and what has been lost, finally sinks in..........I guess we will have to wait and see. In the meantime, I will continue to pre-occupy myself with our incredible children, our fundraising efforts and awareness raising. With your continued love and support, I am sure I will be lifted when I need it the most, just as those balloons were, when released at the ball x
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I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!